Understand
by ry0kiku
Summary: I do not wish to revert back to my old self, as aimless as a captainless boat. And yet as doubt finally creeping its way into my mind... Son Goku, why wouldn't you understand? Oneshot. Homura drabble. Slight H9.


Title: Understand

Genre: Angst/General

Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura-sensei, just borrowing temporarly for fun ;p

Summary: I do not wish to revert back to my old self, as aimless as a captainless boat. And yet as doubt finally creeping its way into my mind... Son Goku, why wouldn't you understand? Oneshot. Homura drabble. Slight H9.

Warning: unbeta-ed

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Strands of crimson colored sun had just disappeared beneath the rocky horizon. I stared at the darkening earth, silent, as lonely as my craving soul. I turned my back, my flame patterned robe flailing behind me, as the moon rose to take the sun's place with its shimmering silver shine. Cold, almost heartless shine. Son Goku... does this represent your feelings right now?

The moon replacing the sun; every little kids of human or youkai were aware of this fact. Even from five hundreds ago, this cycle is a stagnancy. I thought I was like that. From the very time I decided my destiny five hundreds years ago to revenge Rinrei--to revenge _myself_, to those arrogant gods living in false peace, I thought my determination was unbreakable. I never expected a single, innocent kid, to be able to melt my stoned heart. The kid that was supposed to be my target.

Son Goku confused me. Ever since our fateful encounter in that flower field, I realized my similarity with him. Those golden eyes. When I looked through his eyes, it was as if I could look through his fate. No bearers of golden eyes; known as heretic creatures, could live a peaceful life. Nataku Taishi, my predecessor War Prince, lived only to be used as a killing doll. I, Homura, despised by my own family and forced to spend my childhood in a cold prison. But Son Goku... that boy had no clue about crueless fate that was about to befall on him--or maybe had befallen him. Look at him; chained and observed, getting caught in politics and conspiracy, deceived and betrayed... and on top of all, he lost the people he loved--including himself. As far as I heard, Son Goku was later sealed inside a cave on top of a mountain, imprisoned for who knows how long. This fact proved my theory that time; heretics exist to suffer.

But when I saw Son Goku for the second time, I was surprised to find him unchanged. Physically, he might have grown taller, his round face had slightly become more angular, and his long hair was now short. But he was still the same Son Goku I met in that flower field, the one who greeted and stared at me with those alluring eyes of his. Even with everything he had been through, he was still the same innocent kid I know five hundreds years ago. And just the same with five hundreds years ago, his relationship with Konzen--or his reincarnation, Sanzo--never changed.

I thought my plan was perfect. Taking the Seiten Scripture from the Houtou castle was as easy as flipping my palm. If we went on seriously, we might have collected Konzen's as well. Had not been for Son Goku's constant interference, the plan would've been carried out smoothly. The plot I had constructed for hundreds of years must be delayed. I had even considered to continue my plans without him. I slapped myself for having such thoughts. It was impossible. The boy held an essential role in my plan; the role even he had yet to realize. The fact is, I cannot carry out my plan without him.

At first, I thought Son Goku would understand. He had suffered almost the same fate as me; being shunned, underestimated, outcasted just because we were different. If I lost Rinrei, he lost his precious memories about the ones he cared about. We were so similar, until it was almost painful to look at him knowing I was looking at my own shadow. Son Goku must be the only one who can understand me more than anyone else. And yet if we were so similar, why did he refuse when I offered him to join me?

It felt just like yesterday, when Son Goku was so close to me; away from his friends' reach and protection. He was so close, and yet was so far. I could almost feel his ragged breathing, his erratic heartbeat. I could see him shake his head, clenching his eyes shut to block the words I whispered sofly into his ears.

"No!" He denied hard, though we both knew he was losing grip. I kept pressuring, knowing that this was my only chance to lure him.

_A bit more... just a bit more..._

_"_What about Sanzo? Does he really need you? Don't you feel it's just futile?_" _I whispered, locking my eyes onto his.

"Shut up!" He hissed, but I could see his expression shaking. Would this ensure him? Maybe... with a little bit approach...

"You are far more important than that." I stated, touching his cheek and gently turned his face to face me. I could feel him twitched underneath my touch, but too helpless to avoid me. "Just by watching you, I can't help but feel this impatience..."

"I don't understand! What do you want me to do?!" For the first time, Son Goku asked out. His voice echoed in the silent dungeon, as well in my mind. Was he finally opening up? There's no way I would waste such a chance.

"You need not do anything..." I let out a soft whisper, so soft until it startled myself, as I leaned closer against him. In such a close distance, I could even feel his body heat, his heart beat erraticaly behind his ribs.

"I will protect you..." I continued, gently touching the chain that held his hands to the wall, right above his reddened wrist. Even without seeing him, I knew his eyes widened in shock.

"What are you..."

"I will give you anything you desire," I gave him no chance to retort as my hand started travelling down his chain, touching his cold fingers. Son Goku was at loss of words. No wonder, an adversary just offered to protect him. He stared at me, his expression was a mixture of confused and scared. Scared of what? Scared of me...? My heart felt as if it was strucked by a dagger.  
Yet it was too late to turn back. Now or never.

"All you have to do is just... come with me." I whispered, my eyes locked onto his face, waiting for his reaction. I could see his eyes widen, his mouth fell open in a mixture of surprised and frightened. Yes, _frightened. _My hope was scattered, even before Son Goku voiced out his answer.

"D-Don't be ridiciolous! Who... who will do such a thing?!" He almost shouted, turning his face away from me. His eyes were tightly shut, his body shivered. I knew he must be really scared. Guilt started creeping up my mind. Did I over intimidate him? Was I too forceful? I don't want Son Goku to feel scared of me. I wanted him to stare at me the way he stared at Konzen, and now Sanzo. I wanted him to smile at me instead of smirking, I want him to seek protection from me. Just like he did with Sanzo.

I took him here to ensure him, and instead he ensured me that I would never possess him. Because he's Sanzo's possession. He was, he is, and he will always be Sanzo's.

I silently traced the curves of the cold metal chaining both his hands to the stone wall, then opened the shackles gently, freeing his arms. No longer imprisoned, Son Goku fell forward, surprised. I had to restrain myself not to grab him and pulled him into my embrace, so that he would never escape me anymore. Now is not the time yet.

"W-Why...?" I could hear the faint question slip from his mouth as he fell on his knees onto the stone floor, frozen there for a brief moment. I smiled sadly.

_Why? Because I will never win you over him. No matter how enchanting, the moon could never replace the sun..._

I saw Son Goku stared at his hands, still red after being shackled for almost a night. His expression was unreadable. Maybe he was reconsidering? No, I wouldn't fool and hurt myself into believing so. I turned my back against him, finally addressing him as casually as I could.

"You're coming, Son Goku?"

Maybe, just maybe, one day he would understand.

Or more precisely, I will make him understand.

-THE END

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**_A/N: There you go. This fic is actually a translation of my Indonesian fic, "Mengerti". I dunno, suddenly feeling the urge to write an Indonesian fic and when it turned out well, I decided to translate it. Btw, why Homura's POV? Because somehow my feelings when I wrote this was kinda similar with his. Well.. -shrugs-  
Anyway, I'll really appreciate it if you could stop by and give me feedback. Thanks for reading! _**


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